


Idiot With the Painted Face

by mothwife



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Buckle up its gonna get sad, First work in this fandom and first work period, Fluff, Lol enjoy, M/M, Slow Burn, Teen Angst, lots of yearning, they're both 17 in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-26 22:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30112650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothwife/pseuds/mothwife
Summary: After running away from home, Killua rents an apartment in the city and spends several months wallowing in his room alone. Until one day when he meets Gon, who brightens up his entire life. As they spend more and more time together, Killua realizes this might be more than just a friendship.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 16
Kudos: 38





	1. In this lifetime, we're sticking together

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first work on Ao3, so I'm a little nervous! This was inspired by many songs, including "Me and my Husband" by Mitski, which is where the fic's title comes from. Anyway, enough talking, I hope you enjoy! :)

It was 105 degrees outside and the AC unit in Killua’s apartment was broken.

Inside, however, it felt even worse. He was surprised there wasn't steam wafting off his skin. The lights had been turned off all day, because for some reason it seemed to help a little. 

Killua entered his room, fanning his face with both hands. It was getting unbearable. Someone needed to fix that damn air conditioner. 

“Hey, are you home, Kurapika?” He hollered as he collapsed onto his mattress. A response came in the form of the blond boy poking his head into Killua’s room.

“I'm just about to leave. Why?” Kurapika leaned against the doorframe. He was dressed in a formal business suit, shoes on and everything.

His shirt was beginning to stick to his back. Killua shifted uncomfortably. “Can you fix the AC already? I'm being cooked alive here.” 

Kurapika exhaled loudly. “I will once I have time.” He pushed off the door frame and left without another word.

Killua groaned as the blond boy left. He wiped his forehead with one of his palms. “Whatever, goodbye.”

Kurapika happened to be his roommate. The soft-spoken older boy was hardly present, however. He was always off on “business trips”, as he called them. Killua obviously didn't buy it, but whenever he would press for details, Kurapika got upset. So, he eventually stopped asking. It was something sketchy, that he was sure of.

But that did mean he got the whole apartment to himself most of the time, which was a plus.

Lumbering himself off the bed, Killua dug through a pile of clothes to unearth a small table fan. He placed it on the one table in his room and plugged it in, kneeling before it with the protective plastic screen inches from his face. 

It wasn't much, but it was enough for now.

Killua had lived in this apartment for only around four months. He had run away from his nightmare of a household prior to that, and used what small sum of money he had on his person to rent the apartment he sat in now. It was decent, to say the least. With two bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom- the essentials. And he could've been cursed with a worse roomie. 

Still, it felt like something was missing in his life. It had for a long time. 

He must've dozed off for a moment in front of the fan. Leaving it on the fastest setting, Killua returned to his bed. He kicked the sheet onto the floor and grabbed his phone. 

_3:45_  
_Sat, Jun 26_

No notifications. 

Well of course, what did he expect? With a sigh Killua unlocked it and opened the Weather app. It was supposed to get cloudy later and cool down a bit. That was a relief. 

__________

5:30 rolled around, and Killua still hadn't done a single thing. He sighed and shut his phone off, sitting up. 

Maybe a trip to the park would liven him up a bit. It was only a ten minute walk from his apartment complex. And it would be good to get some sunlight. (provided he didn't get sunburnt, of course, but he didn't plan on staying long)

Killua changed out of his sweaty clothes into a loose light blue tank top and a pair of black track shorts before he turned to leave.

Then his eyes landed on something: his yellow and red skateboard propped against the wall. He smiled and eagerly grabbed it before heading out. 

__________

He reached the park in five minutes riding on his skateboard. The faint breeze was certainly welcome. Once there, Killua was overwhelmed by how many people had had the same idea. At least fifteen kids were running and jumping all over the playground, he counted three families having picnics, and one kid was even splashing around in the grimy brown lake.

Killua grimaced inwardly and sat at one of the vacant tables under a tree.

The shade felt nice. He could almost begin to appreciate the nice weather. But it was still humid as all hell.

Fanning himself with his shirt, Killua pulled out his phone and began to scroll mindlessly through Instagram. There was nothing of interest, just an ungodly amount of “summer fun” and “vacation time”. How could you be having so much fun while feeling like your skin was melting off?

Some kid must've kicked a brightly colored soccer ball his way, but Killua pretended to ignore it. Even when it tapped him on the foot and came to a stop only inches away from him. 

_Not my problem_ , he thought with a small huff as he refreshed his Instagram home page.

“Oh, sorry about that!” Someone was calling. Next thing he knew the kid had approached and grabbed his ball. Killua was forced to acknowledge him.

The boy looked around his age, with spiky black hair and wide, caramel-colored eyes. He was wearing a short sleeved green button-up shirt that was so brightly colored it made Killua’s eyes hurt.

He blinked, responding nonchalantly. “It's fine.” 

The boy turned to leave, but stopped. He spun around. “Ooo, I like your skateboard!” He pointed to it sitting beside Killua. “I've never rode one before, would you mind if I tried it out real quick?”

_We're in the grass, you idiot_ , Killua wanted to say, but he restrained himself. Instead he sighed and held the skateboard out. “Sure, I guess. But if you break it I'll kill you.”

Despite how serious he was being, the other boy laughed. “Don't worry, I'll give it right back.” He promised as he placed it onto the ground. He placed a foot at either end and jolted his body forward. The board didn't move. 

Killua heaved an even louder sigh, abandoning his seat at the table. “No, you've got to at least push forward with your foot if you wanna move.” He stood in front of the boy, hands on his hips.

Instead of picking up on his annoyance, the boy simply placed a foot on the ground. He pushed forward, and the board moved a few inches. “Oh, you're right. It worked!” He smiled, finally ceasing his abuse on Killua’s skateboard and handing it back to him. “Thanks for letting me try it.”

Killua snatched it from his hands, nodding.

“Have you ever been to this park before?” The boy went on, “I don't think I've ever seen you here.”

He bit back a third sigh. “I have. I live just a block away.” 

“Really? I live a few blocks away, but I walk here almost everyday.” He went on. 

The boy suddenly stood up straight, as if hit with a realization. He extended his hand. “Oh, by the way, my name's Gon!”

Killua was surprised this conversation was still going on. He slowly reached his hand out and shook Gon’s. “Killua.”

Gon smiled, “Now that we've formally met, do you wanna do something? We can play two-person soccer, or maybe feed the geese in the lake or something.”

Someone actually wanting to hang out with him? It seemed hard to believe. But Gon’s smile was so tantalizing that Killua found himself smiling as well. “Sure. Soccer sounds fun. But fair warning, I'm going to destroy you.”

Gon laughed and shoved the ball into Killua’s chest playfully. “You can try. I'm actually pretty good at it.” 

__________

Killua destroyed him. Though to be fair, it was a close game. Gon was better than he expected, and nearly took his head off with the ball more than once. 

Both boys were left panting and leaning over with hands on their knees in the middle of the open field. The sun was brutal.

“Good.. game.” Gon breathed out between exasperated breaths. Killua simply nodded.

After they had both regained their breath, Gon pulled his phone out from his back pocket. He clicked a few times before turning it around to allow Killua to see. “Here's my number. That way we can text each other and maybe plan another time to hang out.”

“Yeah, that sounds great!” Killua eagerly whipped out his phone. He was stunned to see it was already. 7:26. Damn, time flies. He added the number to his contacts. 

Gon seemed to just now realize the time as well. “What? It's really 7:30 already? Damn, I guess I should be heading home then.”

“You got somewhere to be?” Killua inferred.

Gon pocketed his phone. “Kind of. I have some online summer classes I have to prepare for.”

Killua followed suit, shutting off his phone and putting it away. “Oh, really? That sucks.”

“They're not that bad, though. A lot faster than normal classes.” He insisted with a wave of his hand. “Anyway, I'll text you later tonight. Bye, Killua! It was fun meeting you!” 

Gon picked up his ball and began to leave. He turned one last time to wave to him.

Killua smiled and waved back. “Bye!” 

__________

With the sun setting, it was much cooler than when he first arrived at the park. That didn't change the fact he had already sweated through another shirt. Killua added it to the dirty pile in his room before taking a shower to fully clean himself off.

Dressed in sleepy-friendly attire, Killua flopped onto his bed. He plugged his phone into the charger and the screen lit up.

 _8:49_  
_7% charged._

Two new messages from Gon:

_“hi! i had alot of fun today! :)”_

_“we gotta hang out again soon so i can probably kick ur ass at soccer”_

He found himself smiling at the screen, opening the messages to properly respond:

_“yea right. we'll see about that lol”_

_“im free whenever, just ask”_

With that Killua turned his phone off. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Did he actually manage to make a friend? It was a lot easier than he had imagined. Though, that was probably because Gon was the one who initiated the interaction in the first place.

From the opposite side of his room, the fan droned on loudly. Killua shut his eyes.

Maybe now he wouldn't have to spend day in and day out cooped up in this apartment. Hopefully Gon could hang out tomorrow..

He couldn't wait to see him again.


	2. summertime nights

Killua stumbled out of bed at 11:27 AM. 

For once, he felt sort of refreshed. He made his way into the kitchen and ended up grabbing a chocolate PopTart for breakfast. Killua returned to his bed and checked his phone.

Two new messages from Gon:

_“hii good morning! :))”_  
_“i finished all my work, do u wanna hang out at the park today at like 2:00?”_

He finished the first PopTart in the package, crumbling the shiny film and tossing it onto the floor. Killua responded to Gon’s texts:

_“sure, we can meet in the same spot under the tree”_

The heat from yesterday had returned. A sliver of light was peaking through the curtains, and Killua pulled them shut. He took up a spot in front of the fan again.

__________

At 1:45, Killua left the apartment. His fan remained on again, and hopefully it would cool off his room for when he got back.

He rode his skateboard to the park and was there ten minutes early, sitting at the same table. Gon showed up about a minute later. 

“Hi!” He smiled brightly, this time dressed in much less eye-straining attire. The multicolored soccer ball was in his hands. 

Killua leapt to his feet. “Hey, you ready to play again?” He grinned, slamming one fist into his other palm.

“I sure am, and this time I plan on beating you.” Gon returned the smirk. The two of them headed out into the field.

__________

Today they played three rounds. Killua won the first one, but Gon actually came through and won the last two. They played so hard that at one point Gon tripped and got a face full of dirt. Right afterwards though he hopped back to his feet and they continued playing.

Throughout the entire game the sun beat down mercilessly. It was even worse than yesterday. At 6:00 both boys were frantically fanning their faces with their hands. 

“Wow,” Killua panted, “You're really good.”

“Thanks, you are too.” Gon wiped his face off with his shirt. 

Killua’s throat was parched, and each wheeze of a breath made it worse. He would've killed for a sip of water. “Phew, it sure is hot..” He kept the conversation going.

“Yeah.” Gon was beginning to recover his breath. “I hope we didn't get sun burnt playing out here all day.”

Killua could already feel a painful tingle on his shoulders and cheeks, so that was probably out of the question. 

He took a deep breath and straightened up, “Do you have to be back home anytime soon?”

Gon pulled out his phone to check the time. “Hm.. I should be able to stay out a little longer. My Aunt Mito gets upset if I'm gone later than 8:30.”

Killua perked up. They still had time to spend together. Two and a half hours at the most. He didn't want Gon to leave his side just yet. 

“Um.” He started, “Do you wanna get ice cream or something?”

Gon seemed excited at that aspect. “Ooo, yeah! That sounds great right about now.”

__________

There was a Dairy Queen about a block away from Killua’s apartment building in the direction opposite to the park, so they walked there. He carried his skateboard under his arm as opposed to riding it.

They both had enough money on hand to pay for their own cones. Afterwards they sat down to eat the ice cream at one of the wooden tables under an umbrella. 

Gon was telling a long-winded story about one time he went fishing a few years ago and caught this giant fish that was at least twice his size, all while not noticing the ice cream dripping down his hand. Killua, surprisingly, found himself entirely invested in the story (however far fetched it seemed) and repeatedly interjected with his own questions.

And Gon answered each one happily. It was unnatural just how cheerful the boy could be, like a walking bundle of sunshine. Killua became lost in thought as Gon wrapped up the story. He was studying every inch of Gon’s face- specifically his unrelenting smile which seemed to radiate a warmth all it's own. 

“Killua?” Gon pulled him out of the state. 

Killua blinked, returning to reality. “What? Sorry.” He noticed his ice cream had melted down his hand and was forming a table on the puddle, and grabbed a napkin to wipe it up.

Gon was about to say something when his phone buzzed. He wiped off his hand and pulled it out.

“Oh.. Damn. Mito says I need to head home now. Sorry.” Gon announced with a sigh. 

Killua checked his own phone to see it was 7:26, an hour early. He frowned. “It's fine, are you busy tomorrow?”

“I shouldn't be. I'll text you once I find out.” Gon assured with that warming smile of his.

The two said their goodbyes before heading home.

__________

For the next four days, this routine continued. They'd head to the park around 2:00, goof around for several hours, then go on a walk or get some food until it was time to head home. For once Killua had something to look forward to each day. He enjoyed every second he spent with Gon, more than he had ever enjoyed anything in his entire life. 

July 1st, at 8:00 PM, he arrived back at the apartment. His arms and face were both noticeably sunburnt, and he made a mental note to put on sunscreen before their next outing tomorrow. 

A pair of dress shoes sat by the door, announcing that Kurapika had returned. Killua wiped his face off before heading to his room.

While passing through the kitchen he spotted his roommate. Kurapika was sitting at the dining table, flipping through several books and an array of papers spread out before him.

He glanced up as Killua approached. “You never leave the apartment, not for that long at least.” Kurapika took a second to study him further, his brow raising. “Did you.. um, go for a run?”

“No, actually. I was hanging out with a friend.” He leaned his weight onto the back of one of the chairs, rocking it back and forth. 

Kurapika turned back to his work, though his surprised expression was not missed. “Really? Good for you. Maybe now you'll actually get outside for once.” He flipped a page.

Killua huffed, but didn't protest. “Yeah, I've been having a lot of fun.” Gon was all he wanted to talk about, but it was clear Kurapika was busy. So he left his roommate to his work and headed to take a shower.

The cold water was a blessing on his burnt skin, and it alleviated a great deal of the soreness in his muscles. However standing in it for an extended period of time made him start to feel cold and tired. 

As he rinsed his hair, his mind drifted back to earlier that day. Him and Gon walked throughout the park, sitting by the lake and throwing bread to the geese after they had gotten tired. One had even come out and allowed Gon to touch it. At the time, he was so happy. He was grinning ear to ear and quietly enthusing to Killua before the goose swam away.

That child-like wonder. It was hard to describe it in any way other than adorable. But that word made Killua’s stomach flutter. 

He shut off the water and dried off, donning his nighttime attire before flopping onto the bed. Gon had texted again, expressing how much he had enjoyed today as he always did.

The sun had set, and through the crack in the curtains a sliver of moonlight shone through, illuminating the sacred table fan across Killua’s room. For once, he felt chilly enough to retrieve the sheet from the foot of his bed and cover his legs. 

He replied to Gon, agreeing to do the same tomorrow. Though of course, at this point it was a given.


	3. blossoming alone over you

At 1:00 PM on the dot Killua was awake. He was searching through his mountain of clothes for something to wear when his phone buzzed.

_“i have an idea of where we can go today. let's meet at the park then we can walk there :)”_

Interest peaked, Killua typed his response:

_“oh? what is it?”_

_“it's a surprise”_

He sighed dramatically, shaking his head with a smile. Of course it was a surprise.

He eventually decided on a light blue plaid shirt and black shorts. It was supposed to be a little cooler today compared to earlier that week, so hopefully he wouldn't sweat like crazy on their little escapade.

__________

Killua sat beneath the tree, relishing the shade it provided. There was even a nice breeze today. Cranes were calling and various other birds chirped away excitedly. A faint grill smell wafted his way from a family having a cookout across the park.

Moments after he had stopped to take in his surroundings, Gon stood before him. He didn't have the soccer ball, instead carrying two bottles of water, one of which he offered to Killua. “Here, I brought you this in case you get thirsty. Because today we're going on a long walk.”

Graciously, Killua accepted the bottle. “Thanks, but where exactly are we walking?”

“I know a great hiking trail a few blocks away. There's a great view of the sunset from one of the stops. And the scenery is just beautiful in general.” Gon explained, already twisting open his water bottle and taking a sip. “You'll love it, I'm sure.”

“Hm. Sounds interesting.” Killua smiled. He got to his feet and the two set off.

__________

They headed to an area Killua had never been to before. The traffic seemed much more hectic this way, and more buildings appeared closer together. It must be deeper into the city. 

He made mental notes of several places of interest on the way. A convenient store, a fudge shop, a Pizza Hut, a fountain..

They crossed the street and Gon began to explain their destination through a story, “The first time I went to this trail was a few years ago, with my Aunt Mito. We walked the entire thing, and it took us all day!”

“Oh? How long is it?” Killua slowed his pace to keep up with Gon. 

“Twenty-six miles! But don't worry, the point we're walking to is only five miles in.” Gon ensured quickly. 

They crossed another road, and the buildings began to thin out, replaced by an open outstretch of land. Trees and bushes dotted the plain, green and vibrant, and insects hummed and chirped in the air. Gon led him off the side of the sidewalk and through the plains. Up ahead, a forest formed. Killua was relieved when the trees shielded him from the sunlight.

And through the trees, there was the trail. From here he could see it twisted left and sloped up quite drastically. Gon flashed him a smile before he led the way in. “Come on, let's go!”

Killua laughed and followed him in. “There's no rush, right? We've got like six hours until the sun sets.”

“Oh, yeah. We can mess around in the forest for a while just until the sun starts to set, then we should probably head home.” Gon picked up a hefty stick from the ground, using it as a walking stick. Every so often he'd poke the end of it into a pile of leaves or into a hole in the ground. 

“Sounds good to me.”

As Gon led him through the twists and turns of the trail, periodically leaping over a rock or tree branch, Killua’s mind began to wonder.

A year ago, or even a few months ago, he would've never seen himself in this position. It was even a shock to think someone genuinely wanted him around. The thought crossed his mind that this could all be a ruse, and their friendship was a figment of Killua’s imagination. Someone like Gon must have tons of friends, and he must do stuff like this often. Killua was nothing special.

That mindset caused a flurry of panic to rise in his chest, and Killua distracted himself by asking a question. “So, how many times have you been out to this trail?”

Gon was a few feet ahead, swinging his stick to and fro. “Hmm, maybe three or four? I don't come out here often.” 

He nodded, “Yeah, um.. How is your school work doing?” Killua realized how sweaty his hands had become and wiped them off on his pant legs. 

“It's fine, but pretty boring if you ask me.” Gon shrugged. “What about you? I don't think you've ever told me what kind of things you do at home.”

Killua was taken aback, wondering how to explain just how boring his life was without making himself seem like a slob. “Well, I don't have much I do. No school work or anything like that. Sometimes I go on walks around the city to get out of the house.”

“Where do you live at? I know you told me it's a block away, but where exactly? And do you live with anyone else?” Gon flung questions at him. 

“Um. In an apartment complex. I have a roommate, but he's gone most of the time.” Killua explained as briefly as possible.

But somehow, that seemed to interest Gon. “Oo an apartment? I've never actually been inside one of those before.” He laughed. “I live in a bit more of a rural area, a few blocks from where we are now. And I live with my Aunt Mito and Grandma. But I'm sure you already knew that.” 

A question tugged at the back of Killua’s mind. Why his Aunt? Where were his parents? Though, he had a feeling there was a deeper story to that, and didn't want to pester Gon about it now. 

The two continued walking.

__________

Around an hour later they arrived at the pit stop. It was an outcrop surrounded by trees and a sign that read “white brook nature trail”. The sun flickered through the leaves. 

Gon happily ran over to the edge of the rock. “Here we are! Come sun set, the view from right here is beautiful!” 

They still had a few hours before the sun set would start. Killua picked up a fist-sized rock and tossed it over the edge. The drop was only about three or four feet, and the rock disappeared behind the tall yellow grass.

“We still have a little while, wanna try and climb the trees or play tag or something?” Gon offered, throwing his stick over the overhang. 

Killua smirked, “Sure.” He tackled the nearest tree, grabbing a branch and pulling himself up. “Race you to the top!”

__________

Climbing trees, sword fighting with sticks, and playing tag occupied the next few hours of their time. It was still around an hour before the sun was supposed to properly set. 

Gon walked over and sat on the edge of the overhang, and Killua followed suit. Both their legs dangled over the ledge. Gon fanned himself with his shirt and was still taking deep breaths, clearly exhausted.

The sun was straight ahead, partially concealed by clouds. Above the horizon line were splotches of orange and red. 

“Today was a lot of fun.” Killua broke the silence. “It was nice to do something different for a chance. “Thanks for showing me this hiking trail, I really liked it.”

Gon seemed to have caught his breath and flashed a wide grin. “No problem! I'm happy you liked it.” He began digging his heels into the ledge below subconsciously, “It's so much fun finally having a friend to do things with!”

Killua raised his eyebrows. “What? Don't you have like, a bunch of other friends?”

“No. You're pretty much my first actual friend.” Gon said it with an obviously forced smile that made Killua’s heart ache.

“But why? You're.. such a fun person to be around. You're the first friend I've had too- because you were nice enough to want to talk to me in the first place.” He wanted to say more, but sheer embarrassment kept him from doing so. _What am I even saying?_ Killua scolded himself mentally.

That was enough to make Gon’s face brighten, and before Killua had time to react, the boy had slung an arm around his shoulders. “Aw, thanks! But you're great too! Everyone else just doesn't see that.” 

Killua’s breath hitched. The sudden contact made all his muscles tense up. Gon was even leaning his head against Killua’s. Maybe his sunburn had returned, because all of a sudden his cheeks began to burn.

“Killua?” Gon’s voice brought him out of the trance, and Killua realized this was real life. 

That fluttery feeling reignited in his stomach and his heart was pounding. “W-what? Um, thanks..” 

He wanted to smack himself in the face. _What the hell was that? What's wrong with you?_ Killua took a deep breath to calm himself. But by the time the feelings vanished, so had the warmth around his shoulders. Gon was leaning forward now, staring into the horizon.

Killua was still half convinced that had even happened. But why wouldn't it have? Still.. Why did such a small gesture make him feel so knotted up inside?

He pinched at his shirt, looking up to the sky in search of clarity. 

Spending time with Gon made him happier than he had ever been, and part of him yearned to have Gon’s arm around him again- to experience that fluttery feeling once more. Could that possibly mean..

_No no no!_ Killua shouted at himself internally. Even momentarily considering such an absurd idea was ridiculous. Of course it wasn't true. Although.. It would explain some things..

Gon had risen to his feet and was now checking his phone. “Oh, it's almost seven already. I guess we should start heading home.”

Killua followed suit, his mind a blur. “Yeah, I guess..”

“Come on, then! I'll race you out of the trail!” Gon grinned before taking off through the trees.

That smile of his. It _was_ adorable. There was no other word.

That fluttery feeling he felt whenever he was around Gon.. It was love.


	4. I could stare at your back all day

Gon reached the start of the trail long before Killua, and apparently he had had to wait a good while to see him emerge.

“What took you so long, slowpoke?” Gon teased, leaning his hands on his knees.

Killua couldn't think straight at the moment, and his stomach was tied in knots, but he put on a front to evade suspicion. “You got a head start! And I tripped on a rock back there.

“Excuses excuses.” Gon shook his head, then laughed. “Anyway, we really should get home.”

He led the way, and Killua took several large gulps from his water bottle; he hadn't realized until now how his throat was burning. And the soles of his feet were aching.

They were back on the sidewalk again when Gon was struck with an idea. He turned to Killua eagerly. “Oo! I thought of what we can do tomorrow! I don't have any school work to do all weekend, so what if I spent the night at your place?” 

Killua could've sworn his heart stopped beating right then and there.

Of course, having Gon in his room was like a dream come true. But it was an absolute mess; he didn't want him to have to see that. Plus, his feelings at the moment were already conflicting. Something like that would only serve to make it worse. 

“That sounds great!” Was all Killua said. He regretted it immediately. 

“Okay! I'll have to ask Mito though, but I'm sure she'll say yes. We can arrange it properly over text tomorrow morning.” Gon assured with a smile.

It wasn't long before they reached the park once more, then went their separate ways.

__________

Once back at home, Killua realized how big of a mistake he had truly just made. 

For one, he only had one bed, and one pillow. His floor was littered in candy wrappers and various crumbs, and a mountain of clothes sat in the corner of the room. The one table was covered in half-filled water bottles and soda cans and the small trash can was overflowing. It was an absolute pigsty. 

Killua heaved a sigh and made a note to clean the entire place before Gon came over tomorrow. But now, he was too exhausted. He face planted onto his bed and allowed his face to sink into his pillow.

His phone buzzed, and he lifted his head to see the message from Gon: his aunt had agreed, and then he said goodnight.

_“that's great! goodnight! :)”_

He had picked up Gon’s habit of the little smilies at the end of almost every sentence. Another adorable thing that boy did.. 

Killua sunk his face into the pillow once more.

__________

He woke up at 10:00 AM, feeling groggier than usual. Killua stretched his limbs and rubbed his eyes. He had received a message from Gon earlier in the morning:

_“okay, how about we meet up at the park at 2, then we can get ice cream or smth before heading to ur house? does that sound good?”_

_“sure! sounds good”_

Killua lounged around in bed for thirty minutes to wake up a bit, until he remembered he had a whole list of things to do.

He took a shower and changed his clothes first of all, wanting to look and smell nice for Gon when he came over.

_What, am I getting ready for a date or something?_ Killua thought with a mental roll of his eyes. He shook the thought away and got to work on cleaning his room. 

With a pang he realized the AC was still broken. Hopefully the tiny table fan would suffice for keeping the both of them cool.

An hour or so later the floor of his room was visible once again. His clothes had been stuffed into a dresser and the trash was stuffed into two plastic bags in the kitchen. 

Kurapika had interrupted him in the midst of his cleaning. “What's this? You're actually cleaning your room for once?”

“I have a friend coming over to spend the night- the one I told you about.” Killua explained as he crumpled up a candy wrapper. 

“Oh! Sounds fun. I'll still be here, but I'll stay in my room so I don't bother you.” Kurapika left him to his cleaning after that.

It was 1:00 by the time he flopped onto his bed, exhausted. And he still had an hour before he was supposed to be at the park.

__________

2:00 came quicker than he would've liked. The vicious heat of earlier that week had returned, and Killua felt like he was being burnt alive as he waited for Gon. The shade was pretty much useless, as the humidity alone was enough to make him start sweating.

Thankfully, he didn't have to wait long before Gon appeared. He was dressed in a white tank top and green shorts, and a loaded backpack was around his shoulders. “Hey! Sorry it took me so long, I was making sure I packed everything I would need.”

“It's fine.” Killua smiled, rising to his feet. “Should we get going then?”

Gon nodded, and the two of them set off.

As much as Killua forced the thoughts from yesterday out of his mind, they kept coming back. He didn't really like Gon _like that,_ right? No, they were just friends. They had to be. 

_How pathetic it would be if I fell for the first person that was nice to me._ Killua ridiculed himself, shoving his hands into his pockets. _No, that's stupid. I'm just infatuated by Gon because he's my first friend. That's all. I'm making it weird by thinking something like that.._

A wave of heat rushed through his body and he began fanning himself with his shirt. Damn this stupid heat. _I feel like I'm being mocked.._

He continued plucking fruitlessly at his shirt until they arrived at the Dairy Queen. 

Both boys ordered their ice cream, then sat in the same place as before. Killua’s chocolate cone started melting before he even started eating.

“So, Killua,” Gon broke the awkward silence, “What kinds of stuff do you have to do at your apartment?”

“Um. I can ask to borrow my roommate's TV, so we could watch a movie or something. And I think we have a few board games stashed somewhere in the apartment. I don't know, I'd have to look around.” Killua frantically went to stop his ice cream from dripping.

“That sounds fun! I brought my tablet and a deck of cards too, in case we run out of things to do.” Gon pat the side of his backpack as if to punctuate his statement.

__________

Gon launched into another one of his fascinating stories as they ate their ice cream, and that occupied the next half hour of their time. At 3:00 they both set off for Killua’s apartment.

His anxiety grew by the minute, and the heat seemed even worse. Hopefully it wouldn't be too hot in his room. He could probably open a window if it was. Come to think of it, how big even was his room? Would it be too cramped with the both of them in there?

“Killua? You're awfully quiet.” Gon was suddenly at his side.

Killua almost flinched. “Hm? Yeah, I'm just thinking about what we're gonna do once we get there. I hope I cleaned the place up enough for you.”

Gon smiled, “Don't worry! My room is actually pretty messy, so I won't judge.”

They arrived at the apartment building, and Killua led Gon up to his room. And he seemed fascinated- like he had actually never been in an apartment complex before.

His room was just ahead. Killua took a deep breath and opened the door. “Here we are.”

Gon bolted inside. He spun around, admiring every part of the kitchen. “Wow! Everything looks so weird! Where's your room at?”

“Here, follow me.” Killua spoke slightly louder than usual, hoping to announce to Kurapika that his friend was now here.

It must've worked, because his room cracked open just as they passed it. “Killua?”

Gon appeared instantly. “Hello! Are you the roommate Killua told me about?”

Luckily, Kurapika opened the door with a smile. “I am. Hopefully he's only told you good things.” He joked with a dry chuckle. 

“My name's Gon, what's yours?” He instantly extended a hand, friendliness seeming to radiate from him. Killua was once again reminded of how sweet and lively Gon could be. Hell, he had even made Kurapika smile, which was impressive for being someone he just met.

He hesitated a moment before giving in and shaking Gon’s hand. “Kurapika. It's a pleasure to meet you.”

That interaction had gone much better than anticipated. Gon’s kindness clearly had no bounds. 

Once they were both thoroughly acquainted with one another, Killua whisked Gon away. “Well, we'll leave you be. Come on, Gon.”

They reached Killua’s room and he closed the door behind them, leaving only a small opening. 

“Here it is. My room. I hope it's nicer than you expected.” Killua chuckled.

Gon set his backpack on Killua’s bed and did another 360, examining every inch of his tiny room. “It is!” He approached the fan and crouched beside it, just as Killua would do. “I like the faaaan.” His voice became robotic as he spoke into the fan.

Killua snickered. “Come on, stupid. You came all the way over to my house and the first thing you do is look at my fan?”

“It's hooooot.” Gon laughed.

“Alright, I'll open the window then.” Killua crawled across his bed, unlocking and pushing open the window. A nice breeze blew in right away. 

Gon had thankfully abandoned the fan and was now sitting on the floor, facing him. “Alright, what should we do now?”

__________

The day flew by. The first hour was taken up by playing cards, then they had borrowed the TV from Kurapika and watched two movies back to back. Then Gon whipped out his tablet and they took turns playing games on it. 

Killua checked his phone. It was 9:02. Gon was currently playing pacman on the tablet while he sat by and watched. 

“Damn it, I died again.” Gon huffed, and he held the tablet out to Killua. “Do you wanna play now?”

“No thanks, I'm good.” He shook his head. 

Gon shut it off. “Alright.”

Bored, they put on another movie. Though both of them were starting to get groggy at this point. About an hour in Killua turned it off. It was boring anyway.

“Maybe we should get ready for bed. We don't have to sleep yet, though.” Killua suggested. 

Gon nodded. “Yeah. Who's sleeping where?”

The idea fully sunk in. Of course, he wouldn't make Gon sleep on the floor. Which meant he'd be sleeping in Killua’s bed. 

_Well, duh._ Killua shook himself. “You can have my bed. I'll sleep on the floor.” He pulled an extra blanket from under his bed and began laying it on the floor. 

Gon didn't argue and hopped onto Killua’s bed. He set his backpack on the floor and pulled up the sheet. “It's actually a little chilly now, I might need a blanket.”

Killua fluffed up the blanket to create a pillow for himself. “If it happens to get too cold, you can just shut the window.” He flopped down, the hard floor still uncomfortable against his back. 

Gon yawned and rolled over to face Killua. His smile was barely noticeable in the dim moonlight. “Well, goodnight! I had a lot of fun today.”

Killua reflected the smile, “Me too. Goodnight.”

Gon fell asleep shortly after, his soft rhythmic breathing filling the room. Killua tossed and turned. He kicked the blanket off him once it started to get too hot.

He rolled over and checked his phone. 11:39 now.

Sleep just refused to come.

The thought that right now, Gon was asleep in the same room he was in now- in the same place where Killua would sleep each night- kept him awake. He sighed and stared at the ceiling.

_I hate how weird you make me feel, Gon. But I love it at the same time.._ He sighed, butterflies awakening in his stomach. As much as Killua tried to deny it, he just couldn't. No one had ever made him feel so conflicted and happy and upset and every emotion ever..

He sighed and rolled onto his side, facing his bed. Gon’s back was towards Killua. Every so often he'd shift lightly or mutter something in his sleep, as if reminding Killua that he was actually there. 

_Gon. I really could lay like this, staring at your back, all day long._ He felt hot again, but knew this time he was probably just blushing. _Just to bask in your warmth, or sunbath in your light.. I love just being around you at all._ He felt stupid for thinking something so cheesy, but it was true.

A thought crossed his mind, of Killua rising off the floor and laying on the bed, his arms around Gon. His heart skipped a beat and Killua had to shake his head to clear the image from his mind. _No, that's just weird. I shouldn't be thinking like that.._

He flipped over to face the other way, and eventually fell asleep.


	5. the way you eat me alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the angst train 🚂 choo choo

Killua was awoken by his body being violently shook back and forth. At once he shot up, blinking open his eyes and whipping his head around to see what happened.

Gon was staring at him, looking confused and worried. “Oh, sorry about that! Are you alright?”

Memories of where he was and what was going on flooded back into his mind and Killua sighed. “Yeah, it's alright.”

_Jeez, what was that about?_ Killua pondered over his panicked reaction. He reached his arms over his head, hoping to stretch out the sleepiness from his muscles.

Gon exhaled in relief. “That's good. Sorry for waking you, but it's almost eleven and I have to go home soon.”

“Eleven?” Killua spun around, yanking his phone from the charging cord and checking the time. Sure enough, 10:52 flashed up at him. _I slept for nearly twelve hours? What the heck?_ Normally he got an incredibly small amount of sleep, so it was a shock he was even capable of sleeping for such a long amount of time.

Killua groaned and set his phone down, rubbing his eyes. “It's a good thing you woke me up. I must've been out cold; who knows how long up would've slept for?”

Gon laughed and rose to his feet. “Well, I'm all packed and ready to leave. But Mito said I don't need to be home until noon, so we have a little bit of time.”

“Sounds good to me.” Killua had finally shook the grogginess out of his body. “So, what do you wanna do?”  
__________

The time flew by, and soon Gon had to leave. Killua offered to walk him out of the apartment building. They were stepping down a flight of stairs as Gon suggested plans for later today. 

“How about we walk around the park or something around 5:00? Aunt Mito wants to take me shopping when I get home, so that might take awhile.” Gon explained and hopped down the final few stairs.

Killua nodded, “Sounds good to me. I'll wait for you at the usual spot.”

The two waved goodbye, and before long Killua was in his apartment again. He stood in the doorway, examining his room in silence.

The blanket was still on the floor, all folded and twisted which way. Kurapika’s TV was sitting on the table, unplugged. Gon had been nice enough to make Killua’s bed after he had woken up, so that was the only non-messy thing in his room at the moment.

Killua sighed. He stepped over the blanket on the floor and crawled into his bed, underneath the covers.

Gon had slept in this very spot the night before. Thinking about it that way, however, made Killua feel like a creep. He groaned and flipped over, sinking his face into the pillow.

The place felt so quiet without Gon rambling on about some exciting story, or the music from his tablet, or even the sound of his breathing as he slept. All that remained was the hum of the fan and a faint breeze through the window.

_Jeez, you really are a creep.._

Killua wanted to smack the voice in his head. He pouted and hugged his pillow. 

_I'm not a creep! I just miss him.._

__________

Thankfully, 5:00 came fast. Killua and Gon were united once more. They walked along the path around the park, Gon explaining what his Aunt Mito planned to do for the 4th of July. 

Killua hadn't even realized that was today. His family had never really celebrated any holidays, so hearing Gon explain all the different kinds of fireworks they planned to set off was fun.

“We wanna set them off before it gets too late, so I might have to head home a little earlier.” Gon added with a frown. “I wish I could show you some of the fireworks, but Mito is inviting a lot of our neighbors over and the place will be super crowded.”

“Eh, it's fine.” Killua insisted, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I'm sure I'll be able to watch some from my bedroom window.”

“I hope so! They're really pretty!” Gon seemed so fascinated by the simple concept of fireworks. Yet another testament to how adorable he could get.

Killua looked down to hide his embarrassed smile. “Yeah, they are..”

Once 7:00 rolled around, Gon had to leave. He waved his goodbyes all the way down the sidewalk. 

Several booms and pops were already sounding around the city; people had already begun setting off their fireworks. Killua arrived at his apartment as it just started to get dark. 

He laid on his bed, the window opened all the way. From here Killua could smell the smoke that drifted in on the wind. In the distance, he watched a bright red light explode and then fade into the night sky.

He imagined how Gon might've reacted to that, as if he was sitting right beside him now. ‘Wow! That one was so cool! Do you see what I meant, Killua?’ 

With a pang, Killua pictured Gon’s smiling face. How could someone make you so happy and yet so sad at the same time?

It was all so damn confusing. Killua shut the window, and then went to sleep.

__________

The next few days proceeded as normally. Killua would meet Gon at the park and the two would spend the day together, walking or playing or getting ice cream. It was nice.

Yet at the same time, Killua couldn't bring himself to actually enjoy it. His head was swirling with a flurry of thoughts and feelings. It was almost enough to make him feel sick.

_What if I told Gon how I really feel? How would he react?_ Killua would wonder. The temptation to do so never left his mind. But fear kept him silent. 

_We've only known each other for a week or so.. Gon would think I'm weird.. And it might ruin our friendship._ Losing his only friend was even worse than unrequited feelings, in Killua’s mind. 

It seemed like Gon was taunting him as well, as if the boy was somehow aware. Every so often their hands would graze or Gon would touch his arm or some other small form of contact. And each time Killua’s heart would skip a beat. 

_Please stop.._ Killua begged internally, _You're making this so much more difficult._

Four days later, on July 8th, Gon took him to the White Brook Nature Trail again. The sky filled with orange and red hues as the two of them sat with their legs hanging off the ledge. Insects hummed and chirped in the air, and a frog was croaking somewhere in the forest. 

Killua was gripping the hem of his shirt, his hands sweating as he absentmindedly watched a dragonfly dart from flower to flower below them. 

“Killua..? Is something wrong?” Gon’s voice made him freeze up. “You've been acting kinda weird the past few days. I just want to be sure I didn't upset you or anything.”

Killua longed to spill out every single detail right then and there. About just how deeply and utterly infatuated he was by his best friend. No, not infatuated. _In love._ He was in love with Gon. There was no question about it.

He bit his tongue. “I'm fine. Sorry. I guess the heat’s just getting to me.”

Gon obviously wasn't satisfied with that answer, but he didn't press further. “Alright. But if you need to talk about anything, I'm always here.”

Killua exhaled a painful sigh. “Okay. Thank you..”

They left the trail shortly after that. Gon’s usual spark had withered out, and it was clear just how upset Killua’s refusal to speak had made him.

Even worse, Gon thought it was his fault. Killua felt so frustrated with himself that he wanted to scream.

Gon went home, and so did Killua. 

Once he was back in his bedroom Killua collapsed onto the bed. He cracked open the window slightly for some fresh air before sinking his face into the pillow.

_Not only do I still feel like shit, but I managed to convince Gon it was somehow his fault. I'm such an idiot.._ Killua groaned and folded the pillow around his head. 

His phone buzzed, and he hesitated before turning it on.

_“hey. I hope ur doing alright.”_  
_“i have some bad news though. Mito wants me to stay home for a while so she can spend time with me and so I can focus on my school work. I'm sorry :(“_  
_“i hope we can hang out again sometime soon. sweet dreams.”_

Killua’s mind went blank. He reread the messages several times to be sure he was understanding properly. 

They wouldn't be able to spend time together anymore? How long was “a while”? 

He finally understood. This was too sudden.

Gon just didn't want to be around him anymore. That must be it. This was all just an excuse to get away.

Killua shut his phone off and rolled over in his bed. The fan across his room was facing him, still humming quietly. He let the reality of the situation fully sink in. 

Was this the end of their friendship? Was it over just like that? And Killua never even got to express his true feelings.

_I should've just told him then! Maybe things would be different now.._ Killua clenched his teeth together so hard it made his head hurt. _Of course he doesn't feel the same, but at least then I wouldn't have made him so upset._

A sudden wave of heat flashed over his body and Killua whipped around, kicking the blanket off him. _Ugh! It's so fucking hot! I'm sick of this stupid weather!_

Killua was painfully aware of how irrational he was acting, but the unbridled anguish he was experiencing was too much for him to care. He sat up and opened the window, shoving his face into the screen. All that greeted him was a faint breeze. 

He sighed into the night, resting his chin on the windowsill. The flash of anger gave way to despair. 

_I'm officially losing it._ Killua shut his eyes. _And it's all because of you, Gon.._


	6. all I think about is you

The days seemed to drag on and on.

Without Gon, Killua felt lonelier than he ever had. Before, when he didn't have any friends, he was almost comfortable with being alone all the time. At least it was something he could rely on. But after he had had a taste of how great friendship really was, it was more painful than ever before.

Gon had texted him a few times, but his messages seemed to become sparse as the days went on.

_5:04_  
_Sun, Jul 11_

One message from Gon.

_“hey, how r u doing? I hope ur feeling okay”_

Killua stared at the message until his screen shut off. He took a deep breath and turned his phone on again, typing each letter slowly.

_”hi. I'm doing ok, thanks”_

He pressed send, then shut off his phone.

Sunlight poured in through the curtains. It was hot today, 99 degrees to be exact. Killua felt his shirt sticking to his back. But his body felt heavy, unable to move from his bed. 

He hadn't felt this bad in a long while.

Images of the last time he had seen Gon flashed through his mind- just how sad he had looked at the moment. Then the pitiful messages he would send every day or so. Killua would give anything just to see him again- to explain everything.

_Is it possible for Gon to hate me even more?_ Killua ran a hand through his hair. _I don't know, but I don't want to find out.._

Soon came night time, and his wallowing continued. 

Killua checked his phone every few minutes, hoping to see some reassuring message from Gon that everything was alright. But it never came. No more messages.

_Obviously.. It's late, why would Gon text me now?_ Still, Killua was disappointed each time a blank screen greeted him.

His heart ached. He hugged his pillow as tightly as he could, briefly imaging it was Gon. _I'm so pathetic I've seriously resorted to this?_

Killua clenched his fist, his nails digging into his palm. He felt so utterly ridiculous just lying here in pure darkness. _It's my own fault I feel like this.._

This throat began to burn. Killua tried his hardest to push the feeling away, but a few moments later warm tears were running down his cheeks. He held his breath until a panicked sob managed to escape. There was no use fighting it anymore, might as well let it out.

The tears flowed like a waterfall as he thought about how hopeless this little crush was. _Why would Gon ever like me back? All I've been is rude and stupid and weird and.._

He hiccuped and shoved his face into the pillow, gasping for air between his sobs. The sadness began to turn to anger.

_What the hell is even wrong with me? Why am I acting like this?_ Killua slammed his fist against the side of his head. _I'm so stupid all the time!_

He continued to cry until he had no tears left. Killua felt empty now, sniffling into his pillow. He slowly lifted his head and took a deep breath. He listened to the silence around him for a moment. Then he sat up and wiped his face with the sheet at the foot of his bed.

The sadness still weighed on him, but at least his desire to bawl his eyes out had been satisfied.

Killua lifted himself off his bed and navigated down the dark hallway, all the way to the bathroom. Once there he locked the door and stood in front of the mirror.

He looked horrible. His entire face was red and his eyes were still glossy from the tears. Killua groaned and turned on the faucet. He cupped his hands under the water and splashed it onto his face. A few handfuls worked to clear his mind and alleviate the heat from his face.

He stood leaned over, allowing the water to drip from his face and travel down the drain. 

After that Killua left and went back to his room, getting on his phone and trying to forget that ever happened.

__________

He woke up the next day at noon. The wind had blown back the curtains and a streak of sunlight was directed right into his face, causing him to wake up sweaty. 

Killua made his way to the bathroom and gave his face another through splashing before he sat on his bed, phone in hand. 

He noticed with a pang that Gon still hadn't texted him, but tried to ignore it as he opened Instagram.

A flash of sunlight shone through his room once more and Killua briefly considered going on a walk alone, for old time's sake. He immediately rejected the idea; it would only serve to remind him of Gon’s absence. And just the thought of dragging himself outside the apartment on this hot of a day was awful.

He pulled the curtains shut and laid in his bed, shifting every so often when the heat was too much to bear. 

Killua spent the entire day like that. He was surprised when he checked the time to see it was 5:00 already. 

He slowly sat up and stretched his arms out. His whole body felt sweaty and stiff. Maybe he should take a shower or something. But he couldn't bring himself to get out of bed. Come to think of it, had he eaten yet today? 

Killua ignored the pain in his stomach and simply laid down again. 

Around 7:00 the despair began to set in once again. 

Gon hadn't texted him once all day. Maybe this was the sign that he was completely sick of Killua, and was ready to drop him for good. 

As much as he tried to ignore the thought, it kept tugging at the back of his mind. Killua opened his messages app. The last message he send stared back at him:

_”hi. I'm doing ok, thanks”_  
_Read 1 day ago_

His thumbs hovered over the keyboard. Killua had no idea what to even say.

He wanted to cry, but knew that if he tried, nothing would come out. Last night he had cried out every last tear in his body. He was completely empty now..

Still, he felt that familiar burning sensation in his throat. Killua slowly began pressing each key.

_”I miss you”_

As soon as he pressed send, Killua began to regret it. Gon was probably asleep right now, and if he did see the message, it wouldn't be until morning. Then Killua would have to explain what he meant and it would all be a mess.

He groaned and shut off his phone, shoving his face into his mattress. _Stupid, stupid, stupid.._

Killua felt ready to delete the message. He unlocked his phone. 

_Read 7:38 PM_

A rush of embarrassment flooded through his body. His hands started shaking as he waited for Gon’s response. What would he even say to something like that?

Killua froze. His screen had gone black, except for the two red and green buttons in the center. Gon was calling him.

He listened to it ring, finger hovering above the decline button. After the third time, however, Killua gave in and accepted the call. He brought it to his ear slowly.

“Killua?” Gon’s voice on the other end made his heart skip a beat. 

He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Killua had no clue what to say. “Gon..” Was all he was able to muster.

The other end was silent. Killua held his breath.

Gon finally spoke again after what seemed like ages. His voice was quiet, “I know something's wrong.. Do you want to talk about it?” 

Killua bit his tongue. _What do I say..?_ He felt utterly speechless. “I.. I don't know.”

Silence again. It sounded like a door was being shut on Gon’s end. Was he walking somewhere now? At least half a minute passed before he spoke again:

“I'm on my way to your place right now. I should be there in about ten minutes.”

Killua could've swore his heart completely stopped. Did he hear Gon correctly? “W-what?” 

“Sorry if this is sudden. I just want to see you again.” Gon continued, like it was completely normal.

Killua sat up and pulled back his curtains. It was getting dark rapidly. “No. You don't have to, really.”

“I'm already on the way.” Gon insisted. “Just make sure the door is unlocked.”

And then Gon hung up. Killua let his hand fall from against his ear. 

This was exactly what he wanted, but Killua knew their upcoming interaction was bound to be incredibly awkward. His heart was pounding. Quickly, Killua slid off his bed to wash his face one more time.

__________

It was agonizing waiting for Gon to arrive. The sun had set by now, and twilight was pouring through Killua’s window. He sat on his bed, hugging his knees.

Suddenly the doorknob in the kitchen jingled. The door opened. 

Killua took a deep breath and pushed down any temptation to cry. He listened as footsteps approached his room.

And there he was. Gon was standing in his doorway.

“Hi.” He flashed Killua a small smile, coming over to sit beside him. Gon didn't have a backpack or anything with him, so Killua guessed he didn't plan on staying the night.

“Hey.” He replied, averting his eyes. 

It was painfully quiet. 

Gon sighed. “Killua, please talk to me. I know something's bothering you, and I just want to help.”

He placed his hand on Killua’s shoulder. He tensed up. “It's.. Um.” Words just didn't want to come out. Killua closed his eyes tightly. “I don't know what's wrong.”

Gon scooted slightly closer now. He spoke just above a whisper, “It seems like you don't want to talk about it, so is there any way I can help?”

Killua took a deep breath, “Can you just.. stay with me for a while?” He opened his eyes and looked at Gon for the first time since he arrived. Even in the dim light, his honest concern was obvious on his face.

“Okay. Do you want to do anything right now?” Gon gently removed his hand. He turned his body to face Killua.

Honestly, he didn't feel like doing anything right now. Killua laid down on his side, facing the wall. It was easy to convince himself that he had hallucinated this whole situation, and that Gon wasn't here at all.

The mattress moved slightly. Maybe Gon took that as a cue to leave.

And then, Killua felt arms being wrapped around him. 

Gon was pressed against his back, his arms around Killua’s stomach in a warm embrace. Time seemed to stop in that moment. 

“Sorry if this is weird.” Gon muttered. “You just looked so sad..”

Killua was frozen. His entire body felt hot and wispy in the best way possible. He slowly allowed himself to sink into Gon’s arms.

“N..no. This is nice. Thank you..” He tried to whisper it back, but his voice broke in the middle. At this point, Killua was thoroughly convinced he had hit his head somewhere and was fabricating this entire interaction. There was no way this could be real.

But the warmth of Gon’s body felt real, as did his arms and his quiet breathing in Killua’s ear. If it _was_ a dream, he never wanted to wake up.

“Killua..” Gon whispered, and the sound made Killua’s face flush. The arms around his stomach tightened. “I missed you too.”


	7. your temporary touch

Killua must have fallen asleep by accident, because once he opened his eyes sunlight was pouring through the curtains.

He blinked the fogginess out of eyes. Killua groaned and rolled onto his back.

He spotted Gon sitting at the foot of his bed and suddenly remembered last night. His face went red. _So all that really_ was _real?!_

Gon noticed he was awake and flashed him a smile. “Good morning.”

“Morning..” Killua sat up slowly. _Is Gon not going to say anything about that?_

“Mito isn't too happy I left without telling her, so she wants me home right now.” Gon chuckled nervously. “But I promise we'll be able to hang out again later.”

Killua sighed. There was so much he wanted to say, yet at the same time he had no idea where to even start. “Okay. See you later.”

Gon nodded and stood up to leave. He was halfway out the door when Killua spoke again:

“And, um.. Thanks for coming here. It means a lot.”

He simply smiled in response. “Of course!”

And then Gon was gone. Killua laid down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Despite the unbearable heat outside, everything felt cold without Gon.

He reached over and grabbed his phone, turning it on. It was only 9:45 AM. And there was one message from Gon:

_”hi! let's meet up at the park at 2, just like we usually do, ok? :)”_

The message brought a small smile to Killua’s face, and he typed his response:

_”okay. see you then”_

He'd only have to wait a few hours, but somehow that seemed so difficult.

__________

It seemed like an eternity had passed before Killua was finally on his way to the park. 

It was so humid outside that the air felt thick. Killua had broken a sweat after only a few steps. He wiped his arm across his forehead and pushed forward, longing for the shade at the park.

He reached the bench not much later and eagerly sat down, fanning his face with a hand. 

Gon appeared shortly after, sporting a pair of black sunglasses on his forehead. He smiled as he approached Killua. 

“Hi! It sure is hot today, huh?” Gon was back to his cheerful, adorable self, which was a relief; he didn't seem to be upset with Killua anymore.

Killua smiled in return, “For real. I feel like I'm about to die of heat stroke any second now.”

“Then how about we get some ice cream?” Gon suggested.

He nodded, and the two set off.

As they walked in silence, Killua found himself thinking about the previous night. Did that actually mean anything? Because right now, they were both acting like it had never happened. How did Gon really feel about him?

A wave of heat washed over his entire body and Killua wiped his face off with the bottom of his shirt. Maybe he'd muster up the courage to actually ask Gon about it..

They arrived at the Dairy Queen and ordered their ice cream before sitting in the usual spot. It was silent between them, and Killua was busy studying the wooden surface of the table.

“So,” Gon started, “Are you feeling better? From yesterday I mean.” 

Killua met his eyes hesitantly. “Yeah, I am. Thanks again for.. what you did.”

To his surprise, Gon was smiling now. “You fell asleep so quickly after I hugged you. It was kind of cute to be honest.”

Killua nearly choked on his ice cream. His face went red. “W-what? No, I was just tired.. It wasn't _cute_ or anything stupid like that.”

Gon laughed, “Say whatever you want, I think it was.” 

Now he felt even more confused about their relationship. Killua hung his head to avoid meeting Gon’s eyes. “That's embarrassing..” He mumbled.

When Killua had calmed himself enough to look up, Gon had finished his ice cream and was now wiping his arm over his forehead. “Damn, it's got to be at least 100 something degrees out here.”

Killua quickly finished his cone as well, wiping his sweaty hands on his pant legs. “So.. What should we do now?”

“Oh! That reminds me- I had a great idea!” Gon started. “How about you come and spend the night at my house today? There's even a few fireworks left that we can set off once it gets dark!” He was practically oozing excitement. 

Killua was shocked. He slowly exhaled. “Um, I mean, alright. Are you sure it's okay with your aunt though?”

“Yup! She's even the one who suggested it after last night. I can't wait for her to meet you.” 

“Okay, when should I come over? I might have to grab a few things from my apartment first.” Killua smiled as his excitement began to peak; he was really going to Gon’s house for the first time.

“That's fine! Why don't we both go home after this, then meet at the park at five and I'll walk you to my house? That sound good?” 

“It's perfect! I'll be there.” Killua nodded. 

Afterwards they both left and began to walk home. Killua was ecstatic. Though, as he thought about it more, he began to get nervous.

_I sure hope Aunt Mito likes me. If not, this will be super awkward.._ He shoved his hands in his pockets. _I should also try not to be too.. weird.. around Gon. I don't want her thinking I'm some kind of creep._  
__________

Killua arrived at his apartment once more and immediately began packing. He made sure to stuff in an extra pair of clothes, a toothbrush, his charging cord, his phone, and a stick of deodorant.

Afterwards he got dressed in the nicest clothes he could find- which happened to be a short sleeved white-and-blue flannel and a pair of black shorts. Good enough.

5:00 couldn't come soon enough. But eventually, it did. Killua found himself standing in the park once more.

Each second that went by his anxiety grew. He pulled his sweaty hands out of his pockets and wiped them on his shirt. 

Eventually, Gon showed up, wearing different clothes than earlier. Now he was dressed in a white tank top and a pair of high-waisted green shorts. 

“Hey! Are you ready to go?” Gon smiled, shielding the sun from his eyes.

“Yup! Lead the way!”

They left the park. Gon took him in the same direction where the nature trail was, except down a different street and about a block away.

Killua tried to calm himself down. “So, what should we do as soon as we get there? Are you gonna show me around the house?”

“Of course! And I have to introduce you to Aunt Mito, obviously. I think she's going to like you.” 

_Hopefully.._ Killua sucked in a breath.

Their surroundings began to become more rural; the houses were more spread apart and had larger yards. 

They came to a stop in front of a white house with a brown roof. A path led up to the front door and flowers decorated the outside.

“We're here!” Gon cheered. He grabbed Killua’s arm and bolted to the door.

Killua had no time to react. Gon dragged him up the stairs and opened the door.

“Mito, I'm home!” He called out, taking off his shoes before stepping down the hall. Killua figured he should do the same.

He turned the corner and entered the kitchen, discovering a young woman doing the dishes. Her hair was peach colored and about chin-length. She turned around and smiled at the two of them. “Well hello, Gon. Is this that friend of yours?”

Killua blinked. _This_ was Aunt Mito? She didn't look anything like Gon.

He pushed that though away and flashed her a polite smile. “Hi. I'm Killua.”

Mito dried off her hands and approached the two of them. “It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Killua. Gon has told me so much about you. You both seem to be good friends.”

Killua felt embarrassed down to the very core, but he tried not to dwell on that. “Yeah, I guess we are.”

Gon appeared by his side. “Mm! Can I go show him around the house now?” 

Killua was beyond grateful that Gon had whisked him away from that awkward interaction. Aunt Mito seemed nice, but he had no idea what to say.

Gon entered one room and turned on the light. There was a neatly made bed in one corner, a computer in another, and a desk full of stacks of papers and other school supplies. 

“This is my room! You can set your stuff down here if you'd like.” He explained, and Killua simply set his bag down beside the door.

Their tour continued. The bathroom, the living room, and a small closet stuffed with a bizarre collection of items (even an entire fishing rod). In short, it was much different than what Killua was used to.

Afterwards Gon opened the backdoor and led him outside. The yard sloped downward, and there were several houses in the valley. There were only a few trees back here, so it offered a great view of the sky. 

“It's still a little too bright, but in an hour or two we can set off the fireworks right here!” Gon grinned. “You're going to love it.”

He seemed so happy having someone to show his entire house too, and Killua was just as thrilled. This little house was so welcoming, and it made him feel like he was truly wanted for once.

The next few hours were occupied by the two of them running around the yard and climbing up the few trees. At one point they even rolled down the hill, which resulted in staining their clothes green.

The sky began to turn orange and red, and the sun was setting over the horizon. Once it started turning a dark blue, Gon announced it was time for the fireworks.

He dug them out of the miscellaneous closet; four tubes and a pack of sparklers. 

Killua was beyond horrified watching Gon carelessly handle a lighter, but nothing went wrong. He passed one of the lit sparklers to Killua.

He waved it around in his hand, tracing letters into the air with the sparks.

Gon joined in, spinning around in circles and waving the sizzling stick like a madman. They burned through the entire pack in no time.

“Those were just a warm up.” Gon explained as he set one of the tubes down. “This is where the real fun begins.” He lit the fuse before bolting over and sitting beside Killua.

At once the firework erupted into a shower of vibrant red and gold. Killua stared in awe at the beautifully flashing colors. “They're even better up close!” He exclaimed happily.

The red shower died out after a few moments and Gon stood up, replacing the tube with a slightly larger one. He lit it and ran back to sit down.

This one was an electric blue and white. It sprayed into the air like a beautiful mist. Just as Killua thought the sparks were dying down, a bright green shower of sparkles shot from the base and the display ended in a forest-green rain.

His eyes widened at the gorgeous array of sparks. Somehow these fireworks were so much better than the ones visible from his bedroom window.

From beside him, Gon chuckled. “You're even more excited than I am! I told you, you really are adorable.”

Killua was ripped from his awestrucken state. He whipped his head around and pouted at Gon. “Huh? No! I've never seen legit fireworks before, I'm just shocked.”

Gon giggled and, like that evening at the nature trail, swung his arm around Killua’s shoulders. He pulled him close. “Yeah yeah yeah. Say whatever you want.”

Flustered, Killua attempted to struggle out from his grasp. “H-hey! Now you're just mocking me!”

He managed to escape, looking away in an effort to quell the butterflies in his stomach. “Light another firework.” Killua grumbled.

Thankfully, Gon did as he asked. He quickly lit the third tube before returning to his side.

This one was a grandiose display of the entire rainbow. Reds and greens and yellows and purples. It was beautiful really. Killua found himself staring in awe once more.

After a series of loud pops and whistles, the flurry of colors withered away. The night was silent. 

Killua waited for Gon to light the final firework, but instead he was currently staring at the ground.

“Do you think..” Gon started, “Are you willing to explain what made you so upset that one day?” 

Killua froze. He cleared his throat and looked away. “Well.. It's.. um.” Every bone in his body was screaming for him to just confess his feelings. “It's hard to explain.”

Gon nodded slowly. “I understand if you really don't want to talk about it, but I just want to make sure you never feel that sad again.”

Killua fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. His mouth was suddenly dry. “It's..” He took a deep breath. “I just.. I really care about you.”

Gon had scooted closer. Their legs were touching now. “I care about you too. So much. That's why I went over to your place yesterday.”

_No, you don't understand.._ Killua wanted to say. He held his tongue.

A moment of silence went by before Gon spoke again, “Killua, you mean more to me than anyone in the entire world. I'm so glad that I met you.”

Killua felt the butterflies again. His face felt hot. “Yeah.. You're the same to me.” His voice came out more strained than intended.

Gon suddenly grabbed his hand, and interlocked their fingers. Killua could've sworn he was about to pass out. 

“That's why I invited you here. I want you in my life as much as possible.” Gon went on.

_Does he not listen to a word he's saying!?_ Killua’s mind was spinning. Gon’s words were so embarrassing..

Yet, they were also exactly what he wanted to hear.

Killua took a shaky breath. He leaned over and rested his head on Gon’s shoulder. “Thanks..”

What was even happening? Maybe he actually _had_ suffered a heat stroke, because there was no way any of this was actually real.

Gon rested his head on top of Killua’s, squeezing his hand tighter. “Of course.”


	8. I love you, I love you, I love you

The two of them sat like that for what seemed like an eternity. Killua stared into the star-covered sky. He was aware of how sweaty his hands had gotten and prayed that Gon didn't notice. 

It was so.. peaceful. Crickets chirping filled the air, and a faint smell of smoke was still on the breeze. 

Gon shifted slightly beside Killua, which brought him back to reality.

“This is nice.” Killua muttered, now looking up towards Gon. If all of this ended up being a heat-induced mirage, it wouldn't surprise him at all. 

Gon tilted his head to peer at Killua, a small smile on his face. “Yeah, it is.” He lifted their set of interlocked hands and brought them to his chest.

Reality felt heavy, like a lucid dream. Was it normal for two friends to sit like this? Or could this possibly mean the feelings were mutual? That idea seemed impossible, so then what did _this_ mean?

Killua hoped his intense blushing wasn't obvious in the dim moonlight. He cleared his throat in an attempt to calm his nerves, “Um.. Gon..” His heart rate increased, and he tightly squeezed Gon’s hand. Each word felt like pushing a giant weight. “I.. I really like you.” His delivery of the confession was weak and barely audible. Half of him hoped Gon didn't hear.

But apparently he did. “I really like you too! I'm so glad that I was able to meet you.” 

He frowned. Gon didn't seem to understand. “Yeah, but.. That's not exactly what I mean..” Embarrassed washed over him like a tsunami. Killua wanted nothing more than to bury his face in a pillow and scream. 

At that, Gon’s expression became hard to read. He seemed to be comprehending his words, but also looked shocked and confused. Killua began to worry he had made a mistake.

“Killua?” He asked after a moment. Killua felt his heart drop. He took a deep breath and lifted his head.

Their eyes met. Gon didn't seem upset, so maybe this wouldn't end badly..

“W-what?” Gon’s stare was so instead it caused Killua to fumble over his words.

“Can I.. do something real quick?” 

Killua blinked. That was not at all what he was expecting to hear. “Um, sure?” He replied slowly.

Gon released his hand, and turned to sit on his knees. With the hand he had previously been holding Killua’s with, he reached forward and lifted his chin slightly. And then..

Their lips met.

Killua barely stopped himself from pulling away instantly out of shock. An entire swarm of butterflies ignited in his stomach and he nearly passed out right then and there. _What? What!? Wait, what? I'm just imagining this, right? There's no way.._ His mind spun with disbelief, but Killua managed to push it all away. Real or not, he wanted to enjoy this.

He realized one of his hands was hovering in mid air and placed it on Gon’s shoulder for support. Everything felt so.. warm. Not like the sweaty, scorching heat outside, but a comforting and irresistible warmth, one that spread heat throughout your entire body.

It only lasted for a moment before Gon had pulled away. The instant loss of warmth caused a pang in Killua’s heart.

Gon seemed as equally surprised as him. His eyes were wide and he slowly released Killua’s chin.

Killua found himself speaking first, “Wow.. Um.. That was.. amazing. But I certainly wasn't expecting it.”

Gon smiled, “Honestly, I wasn't either. I just did what I felt was right in the moment.”

However, this only served to further complicate things. Kissing certainly wasn't something friends normally did.. right?

Killua took a deep breath, averting his eyes. “Gon..” He managed to find the words he wanted to say. “Um.. I think.. I think I _love_ you.”

Gon didn't respond, and Killua continued, “I mean, I _know_ I do. I always have. I.. I just never knew how to tell you, or if that would make things weird between us. I'm not sure if you feel the same or anything, but I just wanted to tell you and..” He realized he was rambling and cut himself off, slowly meeting Gon’s eyes again.

Gon’s expression was unreadable. But thankfully, after a moment, he smiled. “Killua, I love you too! I really do.” 

The relief that flowed through his body was unfathomable. It was enough to completely dissolve all tension and stress from Killua’s entire being. He smiled and leaned forward, burying his face in Gon’s chest. “Are you sure..?”

“Duh! Or else I wouldn't have kissed you just now.” Gon laughed.

For once everything felt right. There was no more fretting or panicking or crying. Everything was perfect.

After a moment, Gon got up and lit the final firework. It was the largest of the night. 

Wild blue and red flares shot into the air, cracking and whistling and booming. The sparks sprayed out in a wide radius, illuminating their surroundings in the dark. It was a beautiful end to the night.

__________

Afterwards the two of them headed back inside. Killua was shocked to see it was already 10:00. That would explain why he felt so groggy. 

Gon stopped to explain the fireworks to Mito, thankfully leaving out any details of what the two of them were up to out there; Killua would've died of embarrassment on the spot. 

Then they both headed to Gon’s room. He shut the door with a yawn. “I'm getting kind of tired. Today has been a long day.” Gon chuckled.

Killua nodded his agreement, sitting on his bed. “Yeah, in more ways than one.”

They both got ready for bed. Gon pulled out a fan from under his desk and set it up in front of his bed. Then he got into bed and kicked the covers away. 

“You don't have to sleep on the floor.” Gon commented as Killua pulled off one of the blankets. He scooted over and patted the empty space beside him.

Killua flushed. He set the blanket down and slowly crawled into bed beside Gon. He took a deep breath and hesitantly wrapped his arms around Gon.

Gon chuckled, leaning into him. “Your right; this does feel nice.”

Killua snickered and rested his head on top of Gon’s. “Shhh! Go to sleep now.”

With the comforting warmth between them, they both fell asleep in no time. 

__________

They woke up early the next morning, and Mito had already made breakfast. Gon and Killua both heaved themselves out of bed and into the kitchen.

During breakfast, Mito mentioned how adorable they both were sleeping together. Killua choked on a pancake.

“H-huh!? You saw?” Gon sprang up, and for a change _he_ was the one blushing. 

Aunt Mito laughed at his reaction. “Don't worry, Gon. I won't tell Grandma about this just yet.”

Gon slowly sat back down. As embarrassed as Killua was, he was barely holding in laughter.

The rest of breakfast was just as awkward. Thankfully, it was over soon.

It was 11:00 AM now. Killua decided he had better head home. 

“We can hang out at the park again at two!” Gon was insisting, hugging him tightly at the door.

Killua chuckled and hugged him back. “Alright, I'll see you later then.”

“Bye Killua!” Gon waved to him as he walked down the path.

Killua smiled and waved back. Then, he headed towards his apartment.

__________

It wasn't as hot as yesterday, which was a relief. Killua sat at home, his slightly cracked window blowing in a nice breeze. He laid down in his bed.

His mind drifted back to last night. It was still unbelievable to think that all really happened.

His bed was the same as before, but for some reason it didn't seem as empty as it usually did. He couldn't wait until the chance when Gon would be able to lay beside him once again.

His phone buzzed. Killua picked it up to see two new messages from Gon:

_”hi! I hope u had fun yesterday :)”_  
_”can't wait to see u again”_

Smiling, Killua eagerly typed a response:

_”i did! Thanks for everything, really. I'm excited to see u too :)”_

He shut his phone off and held it to his chest, staring at the ceiling. His entire body felt warm, like he had borrowed some of Gon’s light and was now a walking containment of sunshine himself. For once, his life felt whole.

He couldn't wait to see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! This short little fic is finished! I really loved writing it and I hope you all liked reading it! :)
> 
> P.S: I already have plans for another fic, so expect that soon ;) (it's not related to this one btw)


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